siGh just received news that one of my dad's good friend has liver cancer... One moment... really, it could happen to anyone ):

it's such a mad world...

This song was one of the things that kept me going during the 9 days in brunei jungle... While I was cold, wet, tired and hungry, it played in my head. While I was dehydrated and overheated, it played in my head.....

I'm staring out into the night
Trying to hide the pain
I'm going to the place where love
And feeling good don't ever cost a thing
And the pain you feel's a different kind of pain

Well I'm going home
Back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me
I'm not running from
No, I think you got me all wrong
I don't regret this life I chose for me
But these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home
Well I'm going home

The miles are getting longer it seems
The closer I get to you
I've not always been the best man or friend for you
But your love, it makes true
And I don't know why
You always seem to give me another try

So I'm going home
Back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me
I'm not running from
No, I think you got me all wrong
I don't regret this life I chose for me
But these places and these faces are getting old

Be careful what you wish for
'Cause you just might get it all
You just might get it all
And then some you don't want
Be careful what you wish for
'Cause you just might get it all
You just might get it all, yeah

Oh, well I'm going home
Back to the place where I belong
And where your love has always been enough for me
I'm not running from
No, I think you got me all wrong
I don't regret this life I chose for me
But these places and these faces are getting old
I said these places and these faces are getting old
So I'm going home

Brunei, here I come... I really hope I survive so do pray for me and pray for good weather (:

siGh I'll miss everyone ):

This guy's talented X)

Anyone out there needs JC notes, papers etc.? I'm giving away mine (: hahaha

armani exchange rocks....

- over priced X.x I feel like I've just been robbed O.o

can someone tell me where to get prom stuff X.x I'm screwed..grrrr...

gees attachment has been exciting and gross...
cut, screw, drill, tear... gees I will NEVER go for operation unnecessarily...
surprisingly. teachnolgy has been so advance that there is minimal blood loss dude to some high pressure devise (:

Finally, I get to see the WHOLE picture of being a doctor and not just listen to other's experience or speeches.. Honestly speaking, I'm very certain that this job like all others isn't suitable for everyone... Especially those who value social and family life *laughs*

-----

I'm glad that certain things have finally been resolved in all aspect of life

There is no point for some to be feelin guilty anymore because it simply isn't your fault. You have stop blaming yourself for things you are not responsible for and start focsuing on your own life ((: Don't worry there'll be people or someone beside you i guess?

sigh N should leave things as it is since a certain someone has voiced her opinion? Bad timing, that's all I can say? Perhaps, if given mroe time, she might see the real you? I guess some people are different when they are given a greater "responsibility" to take care of someone else other than themselves. You are one of them i suppose. Keep praying (:

Woah... I haven't blogged since time immemorial (screw off GP) haha lor lar he ha...

A's is finally over. It ended on a high with a managable bio MCQ and paper 3 after a massive slaughter for paper 2...

This is how I rate my performance for each subject..hehehe

GP - 5/10 (I really PRAY and HOPE that this is the FIRST time I'm gonna PASS GP THIS YEAR!!!!!!)
Bio - 6/10
Chem - 8/10
Math - 8/10
Econs 5/10

sianz, what's with the huge disparity in the difficulty level between LAST year's A levels and THIS year's  A levels...

What is done is done, there is no turning back so we should not live in the past and start looking into the future (:

Yet the future isn't something really to look forward to ): There are millions of decisions and choices to make. It's not going to be easy. Sometimes I wish that we have a predetermined destiny (: Life will be so much easier hahaha yea right!

Hmmm, what should I do for the next few weeks before I fly yo AUS?

- Prom shopping
- Private Investigation
- Spy missions
- Meet up with old friends whom I have NOT forgotten
- Exercise
- Heroes
- Movies
- PS3 (weiliang)
- Visit Estelle to play guitar heroes and find about about HY

The list is non exhaustive!

Let the fun begin (:

“SHAKE!” was awesome! Two nights of magic (: The audience felt that the show was fun, action packed, emotional and energized where surprises keep surfacing!! The performers felt the connection – we danced as a group, as one body and not as an individual and the energy was flowing and surging through… Every step, every move brought the performance to a new climax (:

For innergize, the energy was so strong it can throw u off your seat! The cannon effects were sweet, our attitude was there! For Prometheus’s Flame, I literally felt really cold back stage (partly because I was half naked). The entire performance became a real story that night – about the struggle and cruelty in life and how one individual can reach out and change the entire world (: I’m so glad that Priscilla went up (: 4 cheers for Caroline whom I turned FOUR rounds with X) the fastest and most number of rounds EVER!!! I couldn’t believe myself – I was giddy after putting her down X) Finally Potluck (also the best dance in the show) won the audience’s hearts! I’m so glad I worked really well with MeiJie to put up a fantastic dance because she was so into it (: Anita was an awesome and fun partner! Not to forget, HuiTian went up successfully (: YAY!! The audiences were awesome, encouraging and cheering deafeningly loud for us X)

Our moments off stage was filled with laughter and retarded moments! How we had to force ourselves to make up – Nickoh was so willing though O.o Last minute attempts to get abs which failed X.x rushing to change in and out of costumes in the changing room, in the holding area and at the BACK STAGE O.o YES! And cam whoring after the performance topless X) that night, the modern guys became modern MAN!

Thank you everyone who gave me flowers, candies and chocolates (: I really appreciate them!

Those brief few minutes on stage felt like an eternity which was over in a blink of an eye (What an irony) … Dance night is over and as a senior; it marks an end to my dancing career… Looking back at where we all got together – with different background, character and HEIGHT *tsk tsk It just reopened my bottle of dance memories (‘:

I remember how I got interested in dance – So You Think You Think Can Dance… Yes, how impactful can the mass media be X) and to me, dancing was the coolest thing then and it still is (: Entering college, I really enjoyed fac dance sessions which was my first exposure to different dance styles (: Then I found out that there is something called Music and Dance society in college (: YAY! It’s such a golden opportunity…  “So what am I waiting for?” – go sign up (: I did just that and surprisingly, I made it through the two rounds of auditions!! Through that, I made my first dance friend – Ezra who is truly a self-motivated and excellent dancer (: I remember how we laughed together during our modern auditions which brought our egos down to earth!! Somehow, I dragged my good buddy Nickoh into dance with me!

From then on, it was a rough and exciting rollercoaster ride! We went through SYF, Dance night, Get High and other minor performances together last year (: And this year was to be even more electrifying! Fac dance champions (: Dance night was breathtaking (:

I’ll always keep these memories close to my heart (: For now, I just feel so empty – a huge part of my life has been taken away from me ): Last month marked the end of my fac com term and then something else terrible happened… I was devastated because the things that kept me going seemed to be fading away. Looking back, so much has happened within the past few weeks and I just felt lost and hopeless now ): I don’t wish to be alone at this moment in times, I hope to be with friends who share similar sentiments…

I finally realize what “Nothing is life last forever” and the matrix catch phrase “Everything that has a beginning has an end” actually means… Despite how pessimistic it might sound, that’s the vindictive truth, and that is life. If someone were to ask if I ever regretted taking up dance and giving up so many other things such as my promising research project, I would give a definite NO! Yes, I would agree that I can go a really long way if I had continued working under my professor in cancer research. However, dance has given me so much more (: I grew as an individual after going through so much as a dancer…

As I recall all these issue, I realized that 1 year, 4 months is gone in a flash... I feel that tears are bursting out… yet my eyes are dry because I hold on to the hope that even though our journey as a dancer is over, our friendship, love and care for each other will last forever…

Let us end off our journey as a dancer with the dance that we begin with – Journey by Dan (‘:

Last year, every dancer had a story to tell and this year, the room is ours to shake!

 

P.S. Due to the sudden overwhelming feelings, there’s so much things that are left unsaid so I’ll add in when appropriate (:

It's the end of the road ): Very appropriate for times like this...

 

 

Yesterday a clear horizon
Now the clouds are rolling in it's disappeared
The one thing that I've always believed in
It's strange how right now it all seems so unclear
I consult my soul and it tells me that it knows
There's no doubt one day I'm gonna fly
Gotta stand up, dust myself off
Just for now, it's the end of the road

When something ends something begins
But now it's just the end of the road
When someone loses someone wins
But now it's just the end of the road
Don't get to fix it if it doesn't break
But now it's just the end of the road
When you gotta leave it makes you wanna stay
I know it's the end of the road, it's the end of the road

One line can change a story
So sometimes let the line just be unsaid
Pride only thinks about the glory
And just the right now and not the days ahead
I've held my breath, walked on shells hoped for the best
What the future holds, I don't know
I've gotta stand up, dust myself off
Just for now, it's the end of the road

When something ends something begins
But now it's just the end of the road
When someone loses someone wins
But now it's just the end of the road
Don't get to fix it if it doesn't break
But now it's just the end of the road
When you gotta leave it makes you wanna stay
I know it's the end of the road

I've been traveling, get the dust right off the windshield
No one gets the road map to their life
Cause life is so subjective
I'll take my pain and I wanna protect it,
Never blinds me always reminds me
There's so much more to see, at the end of the road

When something ends something begins
Is this the end of the road
When someone loses someone wins
Oh is this the end of the road
When something ends something begins
But now it's just the end of the road
When someone loses someone wins
But now it's just the end of the road
Don't get to fix it if it doesn't break
But now it's just the end of the road
When you gotta leave it makes you wanna stay
I know it's just the end of the road

EMO song for emo times

Baby want you tell me why there is sadness in your eyes
I don't wanna say goodbye to you
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
But there is something left in my head

You're the one who set it up
Now you're the one to make it stop
I'm the one who's feeling lost right now
Now you want me to forget every little thing you said
But there is something left in my head

CHORUS : I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feelings so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away I know

You were never satisfied no matter how I tried
Now you wanna say goodbye to me
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
But there is something left in my head

CHORUS : I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feelings so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away I know

Sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere
Don't know which way to go
There is so much to say now between us
There ain't so much for you
There ain't so much for me anymore

I look up
as a tear rolls slowly
down my cheek
I think about better days
and wonder if I'll feel that way again
you look at me
with those eyes I know so well
always serious, so deep and insightful
as though you're always in control
But not today
not now
Now you look so scared
like for once you don't have the answer
I gaze at you
looking deep into those hazel eyes
Hoping to understand
why you've said those things you did
I wonder for a moment
if this is all a dream
if I shall wake in the morning
and be relieved
you look at me
with a confusion I have never seen
slowly pull me towards you
and wipe the tears from my cheek

Yesterday was probably one of my most memorably days ((: The ares fac outing came to a complete closure and that marks the end of our road as fac com members...woah, A Red Evening @ Sentosa - ARES!!!.After months of hard work, everything paid off ((: We were worried about attendance but it turned out to be a blessing in disguise (: For this particular event i could see the entire fac working together and just as we were bonded...we had to go our seperate ways.sObz its really sad but I hope we have future outings to spend time together...

During the finale, many thoughts came to my mind... Just one year ago when I was a college fresh man, I was sorted in Ares, the red hot sizzling faculty. During orientation, I was inspired by our former dance ics to pick up dancing as a hobby and interest. I had this feeling that I was meant to make a difference but how?. I found out at last that I can do so by joining the fac com and be the next batch's dance ic X) I finally got the position after some hard work and luck (: After which the fac com brought me through fund raising projects, eternal fac outing, WOAH! chalet, Cambodia ocip, O1 orientation, drama fest, faculty dance competition and finally our last and final event - A red Evening @ Sentosa ((: It has been a learning journey for me, one filled with joy and laughter (stress and pissifying moments as well) and I've matured as a person through the past yera or so and that's a personal accomplishment (:

So much felt and so much to be said because being in fac com has became part of my life and this part is about to be taken away from me...Which reminds me of our ares drama fest production (which freaking should have won because of the meaning behind the story) - during the course of our entire life,we'll lose whatever that we have at some point in time - our love ones will be gone, friends will part, things will degenerate over time...That's the sad reality of life and we need to face it... Instead of regretting about what we should have done, why not do them now - treasure the people around you because a few months down the road, they might be leaving you... Life is too story after all and I've spent 1/5 of my life on earth thus far O.o

Oh and what's next?.Dance night will be over in a month's time and before I know it, two huge parts of my life will be missing...How will I handle it?.siGh or will I be too numbed by mugging to even care anymore?.

Sometimes I just wish for everything to come to a stand still so that I can enjoy the "moment" with the people that matters to me because there is no way one can rewind time to go back to the same spot and have the exact same feelings again - it will be lost as time past... These memories are like a foot print in the sand - becoming more and more unclear over time... I had a great time with fac com last night and that's all I asked for ((:

Thank you ARES!
Thank you fac heads for choosing me (:


ignore the video cause there isn't much link X)

Here is the lyrics to this wonderful song

Yesterday a clear horizon
Now the clouds are rolling in it's disappeared
The one thing that I've always believed in
It's strange how right now it all seems so unclear
I consult my soul and it tells me that it knows
There's no doubt one day I'm gonna fly
Gotta stand up, dust myself off
Just for now, it's the end of the road

When something ends something begins
But now it's just the end of the road
When someone loses someone wins
But now it's just the end of the road
Don't get to fix it if it doesn't break
But now it's just the end of the road
When you gotta leave it makes you wanna stay
I know it's the end of the road, it's the end of the road

One line can change a story
So sometimes let the line just be unsaid
Pride only thinks about the glory
And just the right now and not the days ahead
I've held my breath, walked on shells hoped for the best
What the future holds, I don't know
I've gotta stand up, dust myself off
Just for now, it's the end of the road

When something ends something begins
But now it's just the end of the road
When someone loses someone wins
But now it's just the end of the road
Don't get to fix it if it doesn't break
But now it's just the end of the road
When you gotta leave it makes you wanna stay
I know it's the end of the road

I've been traveling, get the dust right off the windshield
No one gets the road map to their life
Cause life is so subjective
I'll take my pain and I wanna protect it,
Never blinds me always reminds me
There's so much more to see, at the end of the road

When something ends something begins
Is this the end of the road
When someone loses someone wins
Oh is this the end of the road
When something ends something begins
But now it's just the end of the road
When someone loses someone wins
But now it's just the end of the road
Don't get to fix it if it doesn't break
But now it's just the end of the road
When you gotta leave it makes you wanna stay
I know it's just the end of the road

SIgh Couldn't go school today... If I had, I'd probably collapse with a fever when I reach home today X) can't risk it since fac outing is tmr....esp since I missed eternol last year *siGh

Thursday however, was a really fun day...

We had to mail out block test results to our parents )): arGh...We had to paste stamps on our envelopes which was a really bad idea because NickOh and I put the entire stamp into our mouth X) which was really gross O.o



shit I hope we don't die from the chemicals on the stamp!!!

And then we started decorating each other's envelopes (((:

half way through a very serious YANTING...walked over and said: KATIJAH is gonna see this when she coolects it back
NICKOH and I: OMGOSH...GG!! (uniformly, with eyes wildly open!!!!)




oh in case some of you haven't noticed, I drew a fake stamp with a couple inside...depicts the future of NickOh when he is with Es*coughs tell..hmpf....

The day started off which a tired boy sleeping his way to school, occasionally during the long bus ride, his head banged into the people standing beside him but who cares X) just continue sleeping ((:

When i reached school, the class benches were empty O.o relax when was it not empty when I reach school?.HAHA

I had to apologize to mr wong for flying his kite last friday and him being gracious and magnanimous, forgave me ((: 3 cheers to mr wong!!

Then funny things started happening...started off with math lectures (its always math lectures)

Although Nickoh and I were sitting seats apart but we started laughing at random and lame stuff at the start of the lecture >< then towards the end Vincent tt joker made me talk with different accent PRC slang, African trible slant, Russian and other weird languages X) So we ended up wasting the last 15 minutes of lecture but we didn't miss out anything cause the lecturer was wasting everyone's time...hehe

oh and math tutorial ((:

MR LAO: sometimes during exams, u won't be able to think straight cause ur under stress and pressure
ME: then what will u be thinking of?
NICKOH: ESTELLE ((:
ME: HOLY CRAP OMGOSH!!! WHAT DID U JUST SAY!!! @%@*&$^&*@#^$&*@^$%
NICKOH: NOTHING!!! I WAS JUST JOKING...
TOGETHER: burst out laughing....

I guess that explains all, together with the scandalous pictures I took (refer to previous entry)


We had track and field heats ((: holy crap...u won't believe this but we were darn loser cause during our 4 X 100 relay we drop the baton twice O.o 2/3 passes X) omgosh darn LOSER!!!!.maybe estelle has a point..hehehe

but good job ares cause we came in 2nd for 8 X 200 guys relay and 1st for 8 X 200 girls relay -- jia ming from s72 was imba fast cause she overtook 3 girls -- why is she in tennis, go join track! hahaha

Dance got more interesting because someone is trying to PICK JIAYUAN UP!!!!!.omgosh hot an juicy news ((((: I had a change of partner from aileen to pris...don't worry, we'll make a good pair and please don't say that you're heavy!!!!.u're light ((: but maybe tt's because I'm strong *smiles and nods hysterically!!!

((: All u need is love (: And if u open ur eyes to see....u'll find that love is everywhere ((:





Romantics date at Golden Rooster X)


Threatens camera man with her small fist... O.o


Attempts to hide


CAUGHT!! wearing same shirt some more...same colour bag and pants O.o abit too much right O.o still must hold umbrella ella together X.x

woah..had hiphop today and we did shah's item X) somehow I knew tt I was gonna stand at the back way before hand - it pays to be tall at times O.o hehehe but the most important is to enjoy the dance which I am and perform for the audience...

The next 6 weeks will be insane for me X.x having to juggle school work, dance prac (4 afternoons), fac outing (19 april) and self training...I guess it's my last shot at doing something which will bring me a sense of fulfillment before the BIG A's arrive... I just got my exam timetable  today and GG I've 2 impt papers on the same day O.o omgosh...thks!! well but I remember that we'll have to be 100% ready by then so it doesn't make much of a difference ((:

Many things to do tonight so I shall stop here ((:
A pile of work and a letter to reply...

((: